Tag Archives: fibromyalgia

What a pain

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Sometimes, just sometimes I get so fed up and annoyed.

I have 3 autoimmune diseases, 3!!

I know I am in better health then some. I know I should count my blessings.

But ya know what? I’m pissed.

This may be tmi , but Friday I woke up pooping blood. I called and went straight to my doctor.

Exam , blood tests and so on.

Results today?? Nothing out of range. Great blood results.

Yes. But WTF then?

Basically my doctors have been telling me this for years, ” you’re just not going to feel good most of the time”.

Gosh thanks.

There is no treatment for fibromyalgia really. Not one my body tolerates. There’s nothing to help celiac except strict and pain in the arse diet.
RA can be treated and as soon as my state stops flooding I will get to mine.

I don’t know of anything more depressing than knowing you’re going to wake every day feeling like shit.

I’m 43. This sucks.

I look for alternative medicine. Well I live in BFE. I am 150 miles from the rheumatologist I’m going to see.
No acupuncture. No massage therapists.
I love living here. This is a great place. Everyone for together to fill sand bags so we won’t flood. Hopefully.

But when it comes to being sick, wrong place to be.

I stabbed a goat head sticker in my finger 2 weeks ago pulling it out of my dogs paw. It’s infected. Well of course it is!!!

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Feeling a bit stabby!!

People wonder why I get suicidal. This is why.

And if one more person tells me all I have to Do is pray and it will all go away, they’re going to meet their maker before their time.

I have to accept this. It’s been 25 years. I have to accept I’m never going to be the person I wanted to be.

Just let the person I am shine through. Allow myself to be happy just being me. With my illness, my flaws and my good points.

Huh easier said than done.
But hey, I’ve plenty of time to figure it out.

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Allergy Testing

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So I went to my allergist last Friday. He informed me I am allergic to cats and dogs. I have 4 cat=s and a dog next door that I walk daily.

He gave me a new allergy nose spray and a nasal wash. I was very happy with this for a day.

Then the headache came. It wouldn’t leave.

By Sunday I was in bed in the dark trying not to die.

Tuesday the headache was horrible. I took a nap. When I awoke I couldn’t see straight. I put on my glasses, still wrong.

I go in the bathroom and look in the mirror. My pupils are uneven.

So I call my husband and we go to the ER. I spent 5 hours there being tested.

They gave me 2 shots of morphine. An IV of Depakote to get rid of the headache and redialate my pupils.

I have been miserable since.

I am tired of being weird. I am abnormal and I dislike it most greatly.

I would love to wake up one day and feel good. To feel like a normal person.

 

I have always wanted to be that lean,healthy woman who hikes and bikes and does yoga. Drinks mineral water and glows.

I never will be. That should be ok. But it isn’t.

It makes me very unhappy. It makes me want to be someone else.

It makes it hard to be happy. It makes me want to crawl under the blankets and hide. Which I do , often.

I should be grateful for the fact that I can get out of bed. That I can walk a dog. That I can see.

There are just moments that make me want to give up and run.

I have more allergy testing on the 5th of august.

Also going to a rheumatologist. Time to get something for the RA and fibromyalgia.

I should be happy. But I am not.

Maybe its my attitude.

Fat or thin, we are all humans.

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It amazes me. In the US on average people spend $65 billion a year on weight loss and dieting. In all this time and research, really all one needs to do to lose weight is eat less move more. There are exceptions to this rule. There are genetics one can fight for a lifetime. I do not care what anyone says, genetics play a huge role in how we look. I have 3 chronic diseases that keep me from being active every day. I do what I can, when I can. Yes I am overweight.  I am not unhealthy. I have good blood pressure, good cholesterol and heart rate. I can walk and hike for miles. I don’t fall over and die. … Those are the good days. The bad days I don’t get up till 2-3 in the afternoon because I hurt so much I can’t. This does not make me a target for thin people to say I am lazy and disgusting.
People who know nothing of nutrition and genetics. People who only see thin is right, fat is wrong. Everyone is different. We can not all be held to a standard made by the government.
BTW, have you seen most of them? Overweight ,drinking, smoking, eating whatever they want. Yet these people are telling us we are obese. We are a drain on resources. We make medical insurance overpriced.
Well, I for one am sorry to be such a burden on the society. The society that encourages people to never leave the house by giving them everything they want on a computer, phone and wii games.
I have an anxiety disorder, still I go outside. I garden. I walk. I hike with my husband. I walk to the post office. I clean. I organize my home. I eat good healthy food. I have to. I have celiac disease. I have fibromyalgia. I have RA.
I am a size 14. I am healthy, most days. I am happy to be a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, wife. I am a person. I have feelings. I have a heart. I love and am loved.
What part of this makes me a target for your disgust??? Just askin.